Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
