Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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