I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
