these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize