I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
