i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
