Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
