Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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