i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
