I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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