I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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