hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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