Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
