This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
