I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize