You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
