Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
