I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
