i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
