I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize