I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
