You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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