i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize