That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
