I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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