CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
