You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
