i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
