this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
