hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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