i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
