just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
only you would photoshop your dick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
