I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
