is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
