So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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