Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
