I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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