I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
