Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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