This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
