those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
