just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are we still banned from the library?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
