Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
