i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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