what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
