whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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