tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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