I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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