just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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