Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
