Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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