Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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