you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
