I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the day after is always just damage control
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
