he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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