Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
