i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
