Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
