A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
