I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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