the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
