Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
