:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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