Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
