So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
