Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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