Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i will never coherently bang her
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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