I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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