Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
