I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
