I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
