Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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