theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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