Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
