Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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