is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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