Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
