She just used a chaser for red wine.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
