I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
